swoosh
sometimes life is too fast to document. and sometimes the laundry takes prescident over the journal.

matthew | archive |

in the garden of hedon

one of the things i thought about in the car yesterday was the nature of philosophies, and which ones best fit my life. i was going to go through the biggies, like stoicism, utilitarianism, and existentialism, and discuss there pros and cons, and then say why i think hedonism, with a touch of social concisousness, is the best.

of course, tonight i realize that hedonism--not necessarily decedence, but the pursuit of happiness as the ultimate goal of life--is easier said than done.

i don't want to write what i want to say, because i am depressed, and i'm not looking for pity. but it is hard to follow one's happiness when it is denied by others.

matthew | archive |

autography

i wish i could blog while driving. i always am able to come up with ideas in the car, and want to write them out....but by the time i get home, lethergy or something else gets in the way. damn you general motors for not properly integrating your product with the proper telecommunications equipment.

matthew | archive |

now serving

i don't think i could ever do the open relationship thing. (well, first i have to find a relationshjp, but we'll talk in hypotheticals and pretend that i have that option, 'kay?)

anyway, like i was saying, i hate sharing people. i have such a fucked up sense of self worth (and apparently, i've made progress...you should have seen me at 18....whoa there, what a doozie) that i occasionally doubt the stability of my relationships. and while i'm fairly generous and i learned how to share in kindergarten, i don't know if i could share a person. it's hard enough that my friends have other friends, do my lovers need to have other lovers?

which is not to say that i disapprove. i mean, i've been the other woman before without batting an eyelash. and i'm all for free love and enjoying sex. and i realize i am saying this from a position of poverty, which distorts my perspective--making what i don't have more precious and precarious since i don't have it. and i realize that this is an symptom of my idealized view of romantic love, which doesn't really exist, so i might as well accept that reality never pans out how we want it to, so i might as well just have as much fun and spread my lovin' to the world (thank you, mr. hedon). and i'll stop starting all my sentences with and, and say in closing, that i don't know what i'm talking about but sex and love and friendship are messy--please clean up after yourself.

matthew | archive |

three thousand miles

balmy breezes lazily drifted across the basin today. the sun stood defiantly in the center of a blue sky, presiding over all. well built men with sleeveless shirts (showing off their biceps and deltoids) gather together in the courtyard, while women in short shorts run about. it is a typical january day in the city of angels, quite a contrast to the other american metropolis.

matthew | archive |

champagne tastes

i don't think i've officially stopped celebrating the new year. i've had too much partying, too many new experiences, too many changes to quit now. i'm having an early spring this year, and quite gladly am i shedding my dormency.

i know, dear reader, that i haven't been sharing too much with you. and like the good little girl that i am, i'm not going too. but i will say this, and don't laugh: cocktails are delicious, music is envigorating, moonlight is flattering; shoes make the man, almond oil soothes the skin, and skilled hands relieve tensions; eyes are deep, lips are sweet, bodies are warm; but none of these transient tastes, delightful as they are, can replace the bonhomie of love and friendship. if i must have expensive tastes, then i am glad it is in the most valuable of things

matthew | archive |

we're merely mammals

whenever i break out the eartha kitt, it's a sure sign: matteo is going through a slutty phase.

matthew | archive |